Feelin a little bit Wicked

Last night I had the great pleasure and opportunity to see a performance of Wicked at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center. It was an amazing show, even better than I expected.

We started off the night with dinner at RawBar downtown, paid our outrageously priced tab, then headed right next door for a bag of fries and beers at Five Guys! So much better, we should have just went there to begin with, but we both felt a little overdressed for a burger joint initially, and with the stereotypical date night of an award winning musical and dinner - well I guess fine dining is expected. Next time we just won't care as much!

We then headed over to Morsani Hall for the show, grabbed a couple glasses of chardonnay, and browsed the souvenir tables for goodies, where I was spoiled enough to walk away with a tshirt, cd, and keychain. Then we found our seats and helped neighbors take photographs and sipped our wine while waiting for the show to start. No obstructions, no one in front of us, perfect view!

Then the show started and I was a complete zombie to anything else going on around me. She swears that I was covered in gooseflesh and had tears for at least half of the show. I couldn't take my eyes from the stage.

The cast was amazing -

acting

singing

dancing

- all perfectly done.

I would see it again, in a heartbeat.

As we left the theatre I decided I did not want our evening to end. I wanted to fly on my cloud of bliss a little longer, did not relish coming home and letting the dog out, getting all "ungussied," and climbing into bed in my sweatpants. So we headed to Applebee's for another drink (water for me this time) and some Spinach Artichoke dip (could eat that stuff until I make myself sick, I swear!) and tried to find some friends to come share in my euphoria. Ended up just us though.

Really people, start answering your phones at midnight.

Then we headed home and crashed.

I felt a little bit like a princess last night. Everything was perfect. The sunset from the sushi bar, the compliments on my dress ( and shoes even! ) from strangers, laughing over beers fries and peanuts with the smell of burning grease in the air, the short walk to the show and having the chilly breeze blow my skirt up for a 'marilyn moment.'

What a night! 

as I am

I have carried this poem in my wallet for at least 12 years. It was given to me by my grandmother after being clipped from a local newspaper, so I have no clue who to attribute it to. It is a very simple message, the writing is direct and to the point and a cute rhyme, but for some reason any time I am feeling down or unsure about things, re-reading it always makes me feel better. Maybe it is the connection I feel with my grandmother when I read it, maybe it is the simplicity of the message. Either way, here tis...



I cannot change the way I am
I never really try
God made me different and unique
I never ask him why

If I appear peculiar
There’s nothing I can do
You must accept me as I am
As I’ve accepted you

God made a casting of each life
Then threw the mold away
Each child is different from the rest
Unlike as night from day

So often we will criticize
The things that others do
But do you know they do not think
The same as me and you

So God in all his wisdom
Who knows us all by name
He didn’t want us to be bored
That’s why we’re not the same

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..

Today has turned out to be a gorgeous day.
Truly.
I hate being inside working on a day like today.
The sky is flawless, the birds are singing, the air is crisp and not too cool... just amazing.

"We can't control how we feel, only what we can do about it!"

I had the strangest dream last night. You ever have those dreams that seem so insanely realistic that you wake up from them doubting reality?

I was at a reunion of some sort - most like a high school reunion of lost friends and their families. In this dream, I was at a public park catching up with people that I haven't seen (or even thought of) for years. One of them was a guy I knew in Junior High - not even really High School, we lost touch around 9th or 10th grade. We were all sitting in the sun at this park when some sort of disaster struck, I can't remember the details. Perhaps an earthquake, maybe war.. dunno. Everyone began grabbing their loved ones, children, and running for cover. This guy - let's call him James - screams at me, "Go get Taylia. You have to save Taylia." At this point in the dream I had only glimpsed his daughter while she played. I look at him strangely, wondering why he would choose me to go after her. He looks me right in the eye and says "You have to save our daughter."

And then everything sort of clicked for me in a way that can only be done in dreams when it is all make believe. He and I had had a daughter together, but being young as we were, we had jointly chosen to give her up for adoption. It was a decision we had not easily made, and he was less easily given to the adoption. Unbeknownst to me, he had, through his family attorney, been the "adoptive" parent(s). He had not been willing, in the end, to give up his child, yet also did not want to force me to be a parent when I was apparently unready and unwilling. He had been raising our daughter for the last 12 years, and this was how I was to find out, in the face of tragedy.

I don't recall the details for the next few moments of the dream, so flash-forward to everyone is safe and we are somewhere else and he is telling me the whole story, filling me in on Taylia and all of her childhood endeavors. I just keep staring at her, trying to make up for lost time perhaps, trying to memorize her features and find the similarities, all while he talks. I am going through a plethora of emotions - sadness, regret, anger, happiness, tears, overwhelmed... he is staring at me, trying to gauge all of these emotions and what I am feeling...

And then Bruschi whines to wake me and let me know he needs to go out. I sit right up in bed, looking around for Taylia and James, feeling like someone just handed me the last piece of a puzzle and then set it to fire. I begin to go through my life, year by year.. almost checking to see if I have somehow forgotten this sequence of events, purged it from my memory. It took a decent ten minutes to straighten out my head.

Even now, six and a half hours later, I kind of miss them. Dreams are strange.

Endorphins

7:00 a.m. The alarm is screaming at me to get out of bed, rise and shine. And the tone is roosters crowing. You know how annoying roosters can be at 7:00 a.m.??? Especially when I know that I don't have to leave home for work until 10:00. That really doesn't help. I only hit snooze once, I swear, and then at 7:10 I crawled out of bed, threw my hair into a ponytail, grabbed a light jacket, my tennis shoes, and my mp3 and headed out for some exercise. I know I always feel better after I've done something besides lying in bed. So why is it so difficult to actually do it? I never really fall back to sleep after the alarm has gone off, I just lie there and doze or think and contemplate getting up and doing something. But nonetheless it is no easy feat dragging my behind out the door.

It's 55 outside this morning. Overcast, with a kind of wetness in the air. Miserable. And then, about 20 minutes into my walk, Michael Jackson's The Way You Make Me Feel comes on the player, and my step picks up a bit, and the weather just seems absolutely beautiful to me! I'm just starting to sweat a little bit, wondering if I've even come close to burning off any of those chocolate chip cookies I had last night (hey they were the soft bake!! I couldn't resist) and suddenly the world was golden. A smile broke out on my face, and I just wanted to keep on walking. Thought (very briefly) about jogging, even. I turned up the volume, picked up my pace even more, and wow... everything of the last few weeks that seems to have been getting to me and building up just disappeared. Life is good. Endorphins are great. Better than chocolate chip cookies even.

A list

My daily horoscope is sent to me every morning via text message courtesy of Alltel/Verizon. This morning's sliver of insight was "Make a list - pros and cons, to-do, whatever - then stick with it until it's done." Might I add here that I'm not quite sure how you "stick with" a pro/con list. Either way, I saw it as a New Years Resolution -type opportunity, for the middle of February. I made a couple of resolutions for January 1, 2010.. none of which I have stuck with, of course, and none of which I wish to list here as an occasion for dwelling on my failures in a short 7 weeks. So I shall begin again. Because my horoscope says to.

• Exercise daily, excluding the chores I do at home anyway and walking when I don't find a decent parking space.
• Eat healthier. No fried foods or junk.
• Keep up with my blog! (so far so good)
• Spend at least 5 minutes a day in prayer/meditation/quiet reflection.
• Take slow, deep breaths when I am upset instead of yelling and then crying to make myself feel better.

Not too bad for a list, I suppose. General improvement of well-rounded health, both physical and mental. Shouldn't be too difficult, right? Here's to hoping.

Time

Who has time? Not me. I come here to look at my blog, to think about all the things I want to say to those two or three readers I might still have (Carmen??? is that you???) but I just can't find the time to sit and think and type - all at the same time. Kids. Blah. Work. Blah. Karate dinner dishes homework laundry animals sleep.. blah.

Forgotten Blogs

I always wanted to do a blog. I mean really do a blog. Like, actually update it. I keep forgetting, somehow, that I started this one with that intent. I forget about it until I access some webpage that has a blogger link, and automatically tries to link me to my own blog.

Well, here is another go at it. Maybe I'll even update within this year this time.