I wonder do you think of me the way I think of you
Do you have the dreams at night that I sometimes do
Do you wish for different lives with dreams as far as me
Are you scared when others look that they will also see

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what I want

A lover
A confidant
A travel agent
A friend
A diary, to whom I can entrust all of my secrets
A comedian
A storyteller
A chef
A maid
A carpenter
A free spirit
An intellectual
A writer

All wrapped up in one

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It's strange, the noise the whole world makes as it crashes down around you. It's not as loud as I thought it would be. Sounds like an ocean flowing in and out, gently beating against the rocks.

Changing

I am changing.

Who I am and what I

think

feel

do

The way I act

the way I breathe

Feels as though something is shifting

My very DNA

It is you.

You do this to me.

Question is - Is this a welcome change or something I want to struggle against?

Routine of things

I am feeling very down lately. I wasn't quite sure what exactly was bringing it on, but I think I've figured it out. I thrive on routine. On having a systematic balance to what is done, how it is done, and when (especially when ) it is done each day. Our family recently has been turned on it's metaphoric head when it comes to routines. Changes in schedules, classes; ending sports seasons; it all just feels wacky lately. I have to refind that groove that lets me feel like I am accomplishing the things that need to be done and when they need to be done. I feel like I am a better parent when things are organized, even my time.

Laundry on a certain night. Homework at a certain time. Dinner dishes pet care etc.

I need to find my groove.

grass

I am just looking for a connection. For a way to feel like I have shared something - a moment, a feeling, an experience. I miss that feeling.

Grass is always greener in every pasture but the one you are standing in. Maybe that is because we keep walking in circles looking for the gate and pacing because we feel trapped until we've worn our own grass down until nothing remains but dirt and mud. I think maybe I just want to live where there are no fences, that way you are on neither this side, nor that one. Maybe then I can stop pacing.

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Cynical

The Matrix is a fairy tale. Maybe we aren't really living the life we think we may be. Perhaps we are all in a safe little bubble, secure, and these patterns of life that we believe to be real are simply dreams. Free will perhaps gone, but taken with it is the decisions that lead us to where we find ourselves.

cynical tonight.

Pessimistic perhaps and persistently patient that paradise performs nightly in the presence of my mind.