much ado about nothing

Writing eludes me. No, scratch that. Time to write eludes me. Why? well, because there is dinner to make, and laundry to fold, and carpets to vacuum. Work to be done. and writing isn't work, is it?

colors

sometimes I think I see you in white, but hear you in blue. I feel you in yellow, and love you in red. when you combine it, all that you are left with is a swirling mass of gray. and gray makes me sad.

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Old Stuff

I recently found this when I was digging through a box of old things. I wrote it in jr. high, I think it was in 7th grade. Not quite sure, could have been 8th. Anyway, I thought I could preserve it on here. So here it is.

As I wander this everlasting hellhole called Earth I begin to believe that this is my dream, seeming nightmare, that I shall never awaken from, never ending demons and monsters chasing me into bottomless pits deeper than my soul, that envelope me in darkness. And these demons are the people that encourage my sadness. And these monsters are the lost hopes hoes of ever waking. And this pit is my own heart that has stopped its pulse until I awaken again.

Cheery for a 13 yr old, no?

not sure where this one came from...

Broken. And

battered. And

beaten. And

done.

Born

out of choices

that can’t be

undone.

Will to continue

left cold

in a

ditch.

No one

warned her.

Karma’s a bitch.

Playlists.

The Song Remembers When. Great one by Trisha Yearwood. And although the song is talking about love, and remember the moment when they were happy, and wondering where all that has gone - the premise is just how quickly a song can evoke a memory, or a time, or even a feeling.

We all have them, playlists. Playlists for dancing moods, playlists for depression, titles for when we are wanting to remember - both good times and bad.

But what happens when you are in one mood, and that song comes on? You know the one.. the one that always changes your entire view on life, even if it is just for that 2-3 minutes the song is playing. One of those just came on for me. Flyleaf - So I Thought. And really, this song doesn't take me 'back' anywhere, it just evokes that feeling of ... longing? Sadness for things uncontrollable.

On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume
Myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods
You learn too much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies
About the times

Playlists.

Well.. my last post was about April, and here it is May 11! Crazy how quickly time flies.

April

April has arrived on swiftly moving winds! I am still trying to process what happened to 2009, and here in 2010, April is already a week old!! Easter has come and gone, I spent the day at home, helping loved ones nurse hangovers. Yes, I know. Easter Sunday + Hangovers = Trouble.

Spring is a big teaser this year - the sky is a beautiful deep blue, the breeze just enough to make the weather perfect, nights even more enhanced by the clear skies and temperatures that seem plucked from a fairy tale. Of course, I enjoy this mostly from the comfort of my office, a spectacular view to behold on the other side of my window - the building next door, with an identical window, and the small row of shrubbery beneath each.

It is days like these that I fantasize about my certainly-to-come-one-day lottery winnings the most. I picture and imagine, in detail, firstly how and who I would tell about winning. Then there would be the passports for all of the kids to arrange. Scheduling of visitation with their father, because you can't return from Rome or Syndey or Galapagos every other weekend! And the beaches we'd see.. the house I'd buy that would require attention to the lawn- because with unlimited time I would have a yard that the entire city envied.

I would truly become a child of the sun.

Ah April, how you taunt me so.