slowdance

my post yesterday led to me opening this in my email today:

S L O W D A N C E:

Have you ever watched kids
on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's

erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Do you run through each day

on the fly
When you ask "How are you?"
do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,
do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his
sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
to call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting
there.
When you worry and hurry through your
day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over

Winter

feel like I’m sinking
clawing at breath exhaled

frozen alive

in this drift of recollection

moments mesh together

forming hours

days

weeks

years lost

just clawing

forgotten tidbits of

nondescript happenings

that all too easily

consume

sadness takes over

was I sleeping

did I miss

all the good stuff

all things taken

those not worth mentioning

but meaning

everything

do the memories that

weren't found to be worth

remembering

shape the memories to come?

Is it that

I've missed the beauty

of the single flake

for the fury of the storm

Manners

I, myself, was taught to say please and thank you. I was told, beginning at a very young age, to show appreciation for things that you are given, for kind words, for compliments, for favors. This was carved in the stone of my upbringing, and is a part of my day to day living as naturally occurring as breath.

I find myself in a position of feeling frustration that exceeds normal ranges. Normal day to day disappointments disappear with time as I go about my life. This instance is leaving me with feelings of anger, confusion, and bafflement that I simply cannot shake. I think of it multiple times throughout my days, even though it is now a week later.

I invited a friend in need into my home. I was told she had no where to turn, was having a difficult time financially, and needed a place to stay. I moved my own children from their familiar surroundings so that she would have a place to call her own while there, making as many changes to our own lives as was feasible to make her feel comfortable. Asked of her was $50 per month to help with the additional expenses expected, such as increases in the water and electric bill, and household items such as paper towels and toilet paper.

Month one went by with no money provided, until a reminder conversation was initiated by myself to her, and then $20 was given. Month two brought about a 200% increase in utility bills, with electric spiking from approximately $190 to $387, and the cost of water doubling. I was given an additional $20.

During this time, minor nuances were mostly overlooked: doors left open at night when said friend snuck in the house after nights out; refrigerator doors left open, spoiling food; air conditioning controls changed to suit; trash left in the yard even after repeated requests to remove it; files downloaded to the family computer that were most definitely not for children's viewing.

This stay was extended long past the original agreed upon time frame. One month stretched into two, that turned into three - all the while only $40 had been exchanged. I reminded friend of my desire to return my children to their own rooms and environments before the start of the new school year, and it was agreed that they would move out in two weeks time, during the following weekend.

I arrived home the following night, on a Tuesday evening, and discovered that the room in question was bare. The only clue that it had been inhabited at all was a television sitting on a table. I sent a text message inquiry and received no response. A few hours later, my daughter comes in to tell me that the television has been stealthily retrieved whilst I was folding laundry in a corner of the house, and that this friend had just walked out the door.

I threw down what I was doing, and ran through the house to the driveway, only to see their vehicle backing up to head out. I threw up a questioning wave to get their attention, had a slight acknowledgment, a quick few words, and they were gone.

No Good-bye, to me or the children.

No Thank yous.

No show of appreciation or gratitude at all.

Haven't heard from them since.

Manners.